Catapults Quit on Keeper
Cody Lewis
Despite their team’s sleek appearance, things are not looking so bright for the Caerphilly Catapults. During yet another embarrassing defeat, six of the seven members of the Catapults’ starting lineup fled the pitch.
The Catapults, currently eleventh in the league table, got off to a quick start against the Montrose Magpies, leading by triple digits at one point. It was not until late in the match that things went horribly wrong, as Caerphilly conceded twenty-six unanswered goals. It was around the twentieth consecutive goal that the majority of the team made their premature departure from the stadium, leaving Keeper Jacques Champollion to beg, “Pourquoi?”
But during the post-match press conference, Champollion let it slip that he knew exactly pourquoi his teammates abandoned him.
“I zink zey were a little unhappy wiz my performance,” explains Champollion, who made his British and Irish League debut this season. “I am disappointed as well, but I am very grateful for Oakley.”
He is, of course, referring to Oakley Knapp, one of the team’s Beaters, who returned to the pitch a few minutes later to bat a few Bludgers at the Magpies' Seeker. Knapp was also the only other Caerphilly player available for comment after the match. When asked why he came back, he had this to say:
“Wasn’t planning on coming back at first. They kept scoring goal after goal, but I wasn’t really bothered with it. We weren’t going to win that match anyway with the way we were playing, were we? But then they started whacking Bludgers at the poor bloke, dinged him a few times even. Couldn’t leave him like that, could I?”
After running up the score, the Magpies sealed the deal with an uncontested Snitch catch by Sinclair Cartwright. Montrose fans celebrated as their team won 830-450.
“Oh yeah, I can’t stand Cartwright,” says Knapp, adding another reason for his return. “Really wanted to whack him.”
The Catapults, currently eleventh in the league table, got off to a quick start against the Montrose Magpies, leading by triple digits at one point. It was not until late in the match that things went horribly wrong, as Caerphilly conceded twenty-six unanswered goals. It was around the twentieth consecutive goal that the majority of the team made their premature departure from the stadium, leaving Keeper Jacques Champollion to beg, “Pourquoi?”
But during the post-match press conference, Champollion let it slip that he knew exactly pourquoi his teammates abandoned him.
“I zink zey were a little unhappy wiz my performance,” explains Champollion, who made his British and Irish League debut this season. “I am disappointed as well, but I am very grateful for Oakley.”
He is, of course, referring to Oakley Knapp, one of the team’s Beaters, who returned to the pitch a few minutes later to bat a few Bludgers at the Magpies' Seeker. Knapp was also the only other Caerphilly player available for comment after the match. When asked why he came back, he had this to say:
“Wasn’t planning on coming back at first. They kept scoring goal after goal, but I wasn’t really bothered with it. We weren’t going to win that match anyway with the way we were playing, were we? But then they started whacking Bludgers at the poor bloke, dinged him a few times even. Couldn’t leave him like that, could I?”
After running up the score, the Magpies sealed the deal with an uncontested Snitch catch by Sinclair Cartwright. Montrose fans celebrated as their team won 830-450.
“Oh yeah, I can’t stand Cartwright,” says Knapp, adding another reason for his return. “Really wanted to whack him.”